Idea IS the format

Hey Christian,

Here you go:

Q. How often do you have to have one made?
A. Every few years, unless I break one, which has happened once or twice. It’s not so much that I grow out of them, or that my good eye changes, but that the glass is corroded by the fluid the human eye produces in order to lubricate the movement of the eyeball. (Incredibly I’ve never actually lost an eye, but the other day Ruby hid my current one in the swing bin. It was almost half an hour before I found it in there, gazing condescendingly up at me.)

Q. How much are they?
A. I think maybe I get a preferential rate, because I’ve been having them made for the last twenty-eight years, so I wouldn’t want to sell Mr Haas short. But I pay about two hundred quid per eye.

Q. Why do you not go for the modern polymer types?
A. I’ve never looked into the alternatives. Mr Haas is the only guy working in glass in the UK, and one of relatively few in the world, so maybe if he ever retires I’ll have to shop around, and look at the alternatives. I like the idea of glass though, and the fact that Mr Haas originates from an area of Germany famous for its glasswork.

Q. When do you plan to have a camera fitted in your head?
A. I hadn’t really thought about it much, until I saw this – http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/index.php?cl=11328551 – which is worth watching if only for the story of how the chap in question lost his eye. I figure I’ll give the tech a few more years, and see where it is. Another decade or two and I might even be able to get some sort of wi-fi-based browser built in as well

Look at it from my point of view (so to speak). One working eye is virtually as good as two (arguably better, as you’d know if we’d ever played a few games of pool together). Pretty much the only area it comes up short is watching 3D movies, which isn’t such a big deal now but in my industry, it might make me obsolete in twenty years, less even. So if I’m going to do something about it, rather than waiting until it’s possible to get a full eye transplant, why not try something bionic?

Apart from anything else, I could make some seriously good undercover documentaries and, given some of the screenings I get to go to, I’d be able to pretty much corner the video piracy market. The eye itself is irreperably damaged, so I’ve got no real reason to hang onto it. Which brings me onto your last question – the one you were too polite to ask

A. In an accident, when I was four years old. My brother and I were mucking around with some copper pipe while some work was being done on our house, and it ended up catching me in the eye. It was very traumatic for everybody concerned, least of all me, and I know I got over it long before my family did, because in recent years it’s become clear that they all made some interpretation of events by which they were responsible. However, as I said to someone recently, if I could cut a deal tomorrow that would see my daughters live to my age, enjoying as much freedom and happiness as I have, with nothing worse happening to them than losing sight in one eye, I think I’d probably take it.