Idea IS the format

I’ve had to explain to a few people today what Crunk is, so now I’m putting it on the record.

I woke up on what turned out to be the first day of Lent with the kind of hangover that makes you wish you were someone else, purely so you could look at yourself and reflect on the fact that things might be bad, but at least you weren’t him.

I decided to attempt some kind of detox, the starting point for which was no booze, no fags and – let’s not beat around the bush here – no tetrahydrocannabinol, benzoylmethyl ecgonine or methylenedioxymethamphetamines. You’ll notice that I set no stock by the law in dictating the scope of my fast.  That, my friends, is because – on these matters at least – the law is an ass.

Twenty-four days in, and I’m giving it a name.  Crunk.  I’m calling it Crunk because I’m tired of telling people that I’m observing Lent and then having to qualify that by explaining that I hold no religious beliefs, except the belief that religion in general needs a very close eye keeping on it.

I chose the name Crunk on the basis that it’s almost as silly a word as Lent.  I’ve since learnt that the word ‘lent’ is derived from an old English word meaning ’springtime’.  That hasn’t convinced me that it’s any less silly a name, merely that its foolishness has a discernible point of origin.

The basic tenets of Crunk are as follows:

1. It starts on the same day as Lent.  That’s just a coincidence really, and a happy one, in that next year I’ll have a major religious festival to remind me that it’s time to put down the crack-pipe and step away from the mini-bar.
2. It demands that you reject any kind of mass-produced consumer narcotic.  That means the most fun you can expect to have during Crunk is picking a few magic mushrooms or brewing yourself a cup of San Pedro. And, from my experiences at least, that’s not very much fun at all.
3. You must eat as much raw leaf spinach as you can manage with every evening meal.
4. It lasts until noon on the first friday of April, at which point you are free to break your Crunken fast by drinking a glass of cheap cava.

That’s Crunk, basically.  It’s a chance to clean out your system, and to give yourself any reassurance you need that you can stop the lot (for a few weeks at least) purely off the back of arbitrarily choosing to do so.  For those of us who don’t buy into the whole old-man-upstairs school of thought, there can’t be a better reason.

Tags: crunk

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